When I close my eyes what do I envision the best family for my child to look like?
Every birth mom has a family picture in her mind of what she thinks the perfect family for her unborn child will look like, do for a living, and how they will raise her child. Be honest about what you think they are like, which ideals are important to you and which are just fantasy. Do they have a house with a picket fence in the country? Do they live in a middle income community, work hard and put family first? Do they have animals? Do they go to church? Once you identify which of these are the most important, you can move forward in your selection using your heart and your head too.
What kind of relationship with the family do I want to have?
How do you see yourself moving forward in a relationship with the family you select? What degree of openness do you wish to have? Is it a relationship that allows them to become your extended family? Or do you want limited contact with updates? YOU decide.
What values in a family are important to you?
One of the most critical parts of your decision involves assessing what type of people the adopting parents are. Trusting them to raise your child as their own, knowing who they really are is the core of your decision. What are their strengths? What beliefs exist in their family? Is the relationship between the husband and wife healthy? Does their home run on similar values that you hold important, like respect and honesty? The most important gift parents give their children are the values that they are raised with.
What race do I want my adopting family to be?
This is something that only you know in your heart. If they are adopting across racial lines, knowing how their extended family handles race and what type of community they live in are important to know and consider.
Do I want a family with other children?
Do you want your child to be the oldest child, the only child or surrounded by siblings to share their life with? Think about how you feel about sibling relationships and if they are important.
What interests do I want the family to have?
Do you want the family to be athletic, artistic, intellectual? What do they do for fun? Do they camp, like to read or love going to amusement parks? How do they celebrate the holidays and what traditions do they have? What interests in your own life do you want them to share with your child?
What are their faith and religious beliefs?
Should they attend church regularly and, if so, what type of church? How do they plan to raise their children? What beliefs about religion do you have in common and what do you want them to ensure your child learns?
What is their parenting style?
The best parent is always open to making changes depending on the needs of their children. Are they rigid parents, or flexible? Do they use corporal punishment or do they redirect and guide their children? Ask how they were parented as children. Decide what you want for your child.
What most birth parents want are LOVING parents. But you have a choice in selecting the right family for your unborn child. Although there are no crystal balls to predict the life your child will be given, you can be involved. Educate and empower yourself! Move forward with the confidence that you have used your head, your soul and your heart.
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